Snake, Dog, Deer, Fox
by Maturity Is Ovarated
Summary: Team 13, lead by Mitarashi Anko, is one of the most notorious genin squads in the history of Konoha...just don't tell them that. The rookie 9 teams are switched around.
1. The New Line Up

Good afternoon or whatever time frame you are reading this at...did that sound british to you? Nevermind. This is my first story so don't burn me, please...Aw dammit my "I" is capitalized

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Snake, Dog, Deer, Fox

Ch#1: The New Line up

The sun rose as it always did as if none of the events of the previous night had ever occurred in the peaceful village. The betrayal, the fight, and the injury were all forgotten and ignored; something Naruto was very happy about. Plus, now he was an official ninja! He couldn't wait to see the looks on everyone's faces!

CPOV

Shikamaru was nearly asleep when he noticed a certain blonde haired loud mouth walk into the room. On closer inspection, he realized that the "dead last" also wore a headband.

"Oi, Naruto, didn't you fail the test? Why do you have a Hitai-ate?" The blonde gave him a smug grin and leaned onto the older boy's desk

"I got to take a make up and passed with flying colors! Now I'm a ninja just like everyone else, believe it!" the orange clad ninja declared (also, I am never attempting to write that catchphrase ever again.)

"A make up?...Ahhh, whatever, it's too troublesome to ask. Congrats…"

"Geez, Shikamaru, what kinda attitude is that? We're ninja! Be a little more enthusiastic, will ya?"

"Oh *munch* good morning, Naruto! I didn't know that you *munch* passed."

"Heheh! Of course I did Chouji! I am gonna be the Hokage after all!" Naruto boasted loudly. His yelling couldn't continue, though, because of the muffled shouts and a thunder of feet that had come into listening range. Suddenly Ino and Sakura, the leaders of the Sasuke Fan Club, flew through the doorway claiming that they "got there first."

Iruka quickly (and violently) quieted down the group with his Big-Head jutsu and explained the life of the ninja to encourage his many students to progress without him. Afterwards, he began to call out the teams.

"…In team 8 Uchiha Sasuke, Aburame Shino, and Haruna Sakura, your sensei will be Gekkou Hayate." No one missed the loud groan of girls complaining about not being with their "precious Sasuke-kun" along side the triumphant screech of the "lucky" bubblegum blonde.

"Stop complaining, Ino. You shouldn't be ogling over a boy when you're a ninja anyway," Shikamaru drawled, annoyed by the interruption of his nap.

"Hmph! Easy for you to say! I just feel bad for anyone who gets stuck on your team!" the Yamanaka retorted.

"…team 10 will be lead by Yuuhi Kurenai including Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji," Ino sighs, "and Hyuuga Hinata." This time Hinata sighs. "Now, the last team is team 13 with Nara Shikamaru, Uzumaki Naruto,"

"Ah. What a drag, the loud mouth."

"…and Inuzuka Kiba—"

"EH?? Why am I with the idiot and the lazy ass?!" Kiba barked (Hee).

"Hey! What was that, Dog-breath!?"

The orange clad ninja and the dog user quickly shut up at the killing intent radiating off their teacher. Note to self: warn next generation not to interrupt Iruka-sensei.

"Continuing, your teacher will be…oh dear...uh, Mitarashi...Anko?"

Suddenly, the class' side window smashed open, a large banner hanging itself across the whole front of the class "New Jounin Sensei Mitarashi Anko" written messily on top. Infront of the banner was a woman whose clothing left nothing to the imagination, spiked purple hair, and a shit-eating feral grin oddly similar to a certain blonde.

"Morning, Maggots! I'm Mitarashi Anko, special jounin!" The crazed woman turned to the teacher, grin firmly in place. "Ey, Iruka! Which three are mine?"

Flashback

"EH?!"

"Hokage-sama, you can't be serious!"

"You can't make her a jounin!"

"She has no discipline!"

"*cough*"

"Stop kidding with us!"

"Enough!" The room quieted down at the Hokage's shout. The reason for the outburst was his announcement that one Mitarashi Anko, former student of Orochimaru, was being promoted to jounin.

"Ah, c'mon. I ain't that bad," the woman in question said, a smug grin stuck to her face. "I'd like to thank you for finally seeing my talent, Hokage-sama, though it did take you a while."

"Your welcome, Anko, but as most of your colleagues seem to disagree, I've decided on a sort of training program to assist you in sharpening your abilities." An audible sigh of relief filled the room causing the purple haired woman to growl at the disrespect.

"So, Hokage-sama, what is this test?" Anko asked sweetly. Sarutobi hesitated a moment, realizing how mad the woman would be when he told her.

"As of now, Anko will be captain of a genin team of the recent graduates."

Even though the walls of the hokage tower were supposed to be sound proof, people within a two-block radius heard the malicious yell.

"SAY WHAT?!"

To the present

"Oh. Um, team 13, please come to the front. You will be leaving now," Iruka announced, eyebrow raised at the loud woman. _Since when did Anko become jounin?_

Ten minutes later found the new team 13 sitting in a dango shop with their odd sensei drooling over the counter. Kiba and Naruto exchanged glances before Naruto spoke up.

"Um. Anko-sensei? What are we doing here?" The fresh jounin stared at him blankly before nodding her head and turning back to the counter.

"Mitarashi Anko. New jounin. Irritated by being a 'sensei' so just call me Anko the Sex Goddess. Love dango and torture techniques. Hate a certain snake and other big mouth jounin. Dream of killing Certain Snake and big mouth jounin. Whiskers, you're next."

The genin trio blinked.

"Huh?"

Anko growled.

"Do I have to spell it out? I can't eat my lovely dango!" Kiba was seriously thinking of sending this lady to a psych ward. "Ugh! Introduce yourselves! Name, Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, etc, etc. Rrrg! This is why I hate kids."

"O-kaaay. Uh, well. My name's Uzumaki Naruto. I like Ramen, Iruka-sensei, and the old man. I hate stuck up bastards, the time it takes for ramen to finish cooking, and traitors."

Anko smirked bitterly at that.

"My hobbies are—"

"Say anything about ramen and I'm sending you back to the academy."

"Uh…Spending time with Iruka-sensei and thinking of new pranks to pull."

"Alright, you're up, Pup."

"snort. I'm Inuzuka Kiba. I like my family and training with Akamaru. I hate fangirls and weak crybabies. My hobbies are training with Akamaru and tutoring my younger cousins. Eh, I guess my dream is to be the strongest in my clan."

"Mmm, dango. Oh, uh. Lazy ass, wake up it's your turn."

"How troublesome. I'm Nara Shikamaru *yawn* I like sleeping and watching clouds. I want to grow up with an average life, a daughter, then a son, and have average ninja rank, then die before my average looking wife. Can I go back to sleep now?"

The other three loudmouths stared at him until Anko turned toward her oldest student.

"Uh, Pup, is he always this…enthusiastic?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, oh! Anko-sensei!"

"Whiskers, wha'd I tell ya about the 'sensei'?"

"Uh. Anko The Sex Goddess?"

"Yeees?"

"Well, what're we doing in a dango shop? Aren't we gonna go on a mission like, oh! Like rescuing a princess or—"

"No." Naruto stopped mid-thought.

"Huh? Was that a 'no' to the princess or a 'no' to the—"

"UGH! You aren't going on any missions!"

"Whoa whoa, hey! Don't go crazy cause the idiot's irritating you! We're ninja. We _have_ to go on missions," Kiba interrupted.

"No, no, you don't, because you three brats are not officially ninja yet and I will make sure that you never will be while I'm your sensei. Comprende?"

The three not-quite-genin were slowly inching away from their supposed sensei who had begun to look at them like a snake after a helpless mouse. Seeing that her little guinea pigs were trying to break for it, Anko grabbed them by the arms and shunshined them to an open training ground. Tying them to three trees, she decided to explain before they screamed for ANBU.

"You crazy-lady! What's wrong with you?!"

Oh. Too late.

"Just let me explain and then I'll let you run as far away from me as you want, 'kay?" The three exchanged glances and nodded. "Perfect. The genin test you did was just for show, really. Only nine graduates will actually become ninja. Interrupt me and I will castrate you."

Kiba and Naruto immediately closed their mouths.

"The real genin test is decided on by the sensei's preferences of a good student. And they will decide if the team will pass or be sent back to the academy. You gettin' all this? If not, I'll make you run ten laps around the village." Once again the nervous genin nodded without a word.

"Well, my test will start tomorrow morning at 7 am sharp. If you are late I will give you a present and not the kind you get on Christmas. It will be at the entrance of training ground 44. Bring anything you think you'll need. Ja ne!"

Anko once again shunshined away, untying her students in the process. Shikamaru dropped his head and sighed.

"Why did I get stuck with such a troublesome sensei? My mother probably bribed someone. What a—"

"Uh, Shikamaru, please don't say it, having an insane sensei and the idiot on my team is bad enough without your catchphrase."

"Dammit, Dogbreath, stop calling me an idiot!"

"What a drag."

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What do you think? Took me friggin' forever to publish this, but here it is. Some things to keep in mind are that I will be trying, repeat, TRYING to get Sasuke out of avenger mode. This won't be a super naruto or anything, but they will be pretty strong. Also, please don't tempt me to bash or I will murder the story.


	2. Survival Tort, er, Training

Holy shit people actually reviewed! Don't check in too soon, though, I'm not sure how often I'll update.

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Snake, Dog, Deer, Fox

…beep…Beep…BEEP…BEEP!...BE—CRASH!

Naruto pulled back his blanket and glared across the room where he threw his clock. Seven o'clock sharp his ass! The academy started later than that! The almost-genin rolled out of his bed and began to prepare for Anko's genin test. Sadly, if he had heard the rumors about the woman, the orange clad ninja would have packed more supplies.

Once his ramen was in the microwave, he began to throw off his night clothes and put on his regular blue and neon orange jumpsuit. Naruto took a moment to admire the new metal headband he wore, never once letting the large grin leave his face. Well…at least not until he realized he only had ten minutes to get to the training grounds where his "Sex Goddess" sensei told him to get to on time…or else.

"Oh, crap!" was all Naruto said as he wolfed down his ramen and flew out his window like a bat out of hell. A block or so from the training grounds on the roof of an empty warehouse, a sharp click caused the orange clad ninja to stop cold. 'She couldn't have…'

The sound of a dozen or so kunai flying threw the air had Naruto jumping from rooftops and twisting in mid-air only to activate more traps, barely avoiding the pointy projectiles.

"Are you frickin' kidding me!!"

CPOV

Shikamaru twitched, his usually glazed eyes glaring up at his way-too-innocently smiling sensei from his sprawled out position on the ground.

Traps. This creepy, sadistic person had set up chunnin level traps throughout the 2 block radius around the assigned training ground. Kiba had woken up extra early so he had had more time to get through the giant set up, but Shikamaru had barely made it before the 7 o'clock time limit.

The normally laid back Nara sprung to his feet at the loud thump behind him. He winced as he realized that the thump was his other teammate who had fallen from the last of the traps, extremely late.

"Well, now that Whiskers has decided to drop in, what say we start the test, neh?"

"Decided? Are you insane?! You set up a bunch of traps everywhere! Why do you think I'm late, Anko?!" Naruto shouted. Anko frowned, but her famous shit-eating grin quickly replaced it.

"Why thank you for reminding me, Brat." The Jounin pulled out some kunai from her holster. "Now, come over here so Aunty Anko can give you your present." The three genin sweat-dropped and tried to sneak away from the mad woman. Keyword: tried.

Anko threw five kunai: two held Kiba against a tree, another two pulled Shikamaru to the ground and the last one allowed her to pull Naruto into a sleeper hold. The snake user twisted around before throwing the 12-year-old into a nearby tree with a loud crack.

"There now, that wasn't so bad now was it? Don't ever be late to an appointment. It's extremely rude, y'know."

CPOV

"Oi, Kakashi."

The masked ex-ANBU glanced up from his R-rated book coming face to face with a bearded jounin.

"Yo, Asuma-san. What do you need?"

"Ah, no. Did you hear about Anko?" Kakashi stared at his friend before going back to his book.

"Mah. You mean about her getting a genin team? It does seem a bit sudden, but why are you so interested?"

"Well, you worked with her before, so you know her personality and some of her habits, right? Like how she would react to having a genin team?"

"Eh? Well…I know she's probably cursing her luck and threatening the devil with a thousand years of torture…" Asuma took a long inhale of smoke and tried again.

"Kakashi, I meant do you have any idea exactly what she's doing for her official test?"

"Ah…Oh. So that's why she was going in that direction this morning…"

Asuma fell back on a nearby bench and groaned. Kakashi was always the hardest to open up in a regular conversation. He didn't know how anyone could do it and not go insane. Oh wait, could Gai be considered insane? Kakashi eye smiled and scratched his head.

"Mah, don't be so cranky, Asuma-san. I do have an idea, but I'm not so sure you'll like it…"

"Like it? Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as the incident in the chunnin exam she took."

Kakashi sweat-dropped. "Uh, well…"

CPOV

A frog jumped down from the meter-high root of a tree. It croaked and looked around before starting to hop again. It was almost home, a small pond in the middle of the old, dark, and moss-covered forest. The frog took a high leap, a graceful dive towards its home…until a leg kicked it away as its owner ran for his life, the sound of an angry, ten foot tiger not far behind.

"Hey, Dog Breath, you just kicked a frog!"

"Who cares, you idiot! We're about to get eaten by a giant tiger!"

"Aaa., will you two stop arguing? This is already bad enough!" Shikamaru dodged a swipe of the tiger's sharpened claws. "This is definately too dangerous for genin." Another swipe. "Why did the hokage give this woman a genin team? Aw man, what a drag!"

The three genin eventually lost the mutant feline, but it was now sunset and light was fading fast. They found a large tree with a hollow inside for them to stay in. After setting up alert traps, the trio sat around the small fire they made.

"Kami-sama! Why did you give us this crazy sensei? Have we done so wrong? Tell me!"

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Great, first day and he's already lost it."

"Can it, Dog breath!"

"Oi! Why do you two have to be so troublesome? We have enough problems to deal with, y'know."

"Che. It's all Anko-sensei's fault."

"I agree with Kiba on that one! 'I'm a nice person, so in order to be in my genin team you'll have to survive 3 days in the Forest of Death.' Hah! Nice? More like sadistic!"

"Insane."

"Two-faced!"

"Don't forget bloodthirsty."

"Yeah, and—"

"Oi. Don't talk so loud. Do you want those monsters to find us again?" Kiba and Naruto slumped against the "wall" of the tree. They were the two most hyperactive loud mouths in the academy so sitting quietly wasn't exactly in their dictionaries.

The loud snap of one of the traps going off alerted the trio of an intruder. They ran outside and checked the perimeter of the tree.

"Huh? Nothing's here."

"Grrrr."

"No. Akamaru definitely smells something."

Thunk.

"AH!"

"Arf!"

"What the…?"

"Eeeewww!"

It was a millipede. A long, red, hundred legged, slimy millipede…the size of a horse. The three stared at it. Naruto slowly lifted up a small rock and tossed it at the giant insect. It didn't move.

"Hey, no worries. It's already dead!"

Suddenly, a giant snake slithered from the surrounding shrubs and stared at them. Kiba blinked.

"…Did a nuclear bomb go off in this forest or something?"

The snake stared at them a moment longer before turning to its original meal (the millipede) and swallowed it whole before slithering back into the dark forest.

"Hey, Shikamaru? You know a lot about rules and that kinda stuff right?"

"If you plan on finding a way to run from Anko without becoming a missing nin, than no, Naruto, I can't help you…"

"Aw, damn." Naruto glared at Kiba.

"I wasn't going to say that, but can we at least turn her in for child abuse?"

"snort. Idiot! Ninja, whether jounin or genin, aren't considered children anymore."

Naruto growled at the older boy.

"I know that, Dog Breath! But she even said so herself, we're not officially ninja until we pass her test so we can still go for that charge! Duh!"

The two members of team 13 stared at the orange clad boy. They exchanged glances then looked back at Naruto.

"Dude…Did the deadlast actually say something smart?"

"Hm. His brain's probably overworking itself because of our situation. I'm still not convinced about the whole turning her in plan as she doesn't seem to try and hide her sadisticness, but once our parents and the hokage realize we're missing, she might get in trouble…What?"

This time Naruto and Kiba exchanged glances.

"Shikamaru must be in even worse shape than you, Naruto."

"Yeah, I've never heard him talk so much."

"Oi, oi. What are you troublesome guys whispering about…?"

CPOV

Anko smiled happily as she ate her dango. She was bit upset that she wasn't going on any missions, but she didn't mind at the moment. Today she managed to annoy and effiectively drive three jounin crazy from her babbling and had two others trying to explain to their wives that "It wasn't what it looked like." Ah, yes, Anko was having a very good day.

"Mitarashi, dammit! Pay attention! Where's my kid?!"

Inuzuka Tsume on the other hand was beginning to lose her mind. This was the third day that her son had been missing in fact, both Shikamaru and Naruto were missing as well and the hokage still hadn't gotten a report of whether or not the three passed as genin. "Hey! Listen you—"

"Agh! Alright, alright, I'm listening geez! Can't a lady eat in piece around here?" Tsume yanked the younger woman outside.

"Listen here, Mitarashi, you are the jounin sensei for team 13 yes?"

"That's me in all of my bad luck glory, yup."

"Riiight. And you assigned them a genin test right? So where are they?"

Anko froze and looked to her right nervously. Before Tsume could rant to the woman any more, Anko left for the Forest of death hitting herself for forgetting the time limit.

Almost an hour later, she finally found the genin sitting in a large tree with a group of mutant tigers at the base. Anko raised a brow when she noticed how calm they looked even with the hungry pack below barely out of reach. Throwing a few stink bombs she made especially for the tigers, she landed next to her genin.

"Well, don't you three look like crap?"

Kiba had lost his coat to poisonous leeches when he fell into a swamp and his right leg was bandaged up to his knee because of a tiger bite. Akamaru sat beside him a little worse for where, but no injuries. Shikamaru had a part of his hair out of his pony tail and his lower half had red clay caked on. He also had his upper left arm bandaged and swollen, a sign of a snake bite. Naruto's jacket had lost its sleeves and his black undershirt was nowhere in sight. Surprise, surprise, he didn't have any obvious injuries, but he did wrap up his hands, most likely to protect them when he fought. All three were disarmed which probably explained most of the minor cuts and bruises.

"You're all alive and kicking, so looks like we're stuck with eachother, huh?" Anko smirked at her twitching students before shunshinning(sp?) them to the hospital.

"Hey, Doc, I got a present for ya! Three actually!"

"Yare yare. So you did take them to the Forest of death…"

Anko turned to the masked jounin behind her and frowned. Kiba, Naruto, and Shikamaru were sitting on the ground facing the silver haired man. He showed no reaction to their injuries or the fact of how calm their teacher was. They glared.

"Yo."

"Oi. Cyclops. If you thought you knew where we were, couldn't you have, I don't know, looked for us or told someone maybe?" Kiba growled, his patience long gone.

"Mah. I would have, but I've had a busy week with helping old ladies across the street, getting cats out of trees, having to switch paths because of black cats, and getting lost on the road of life. You know how that is, right?"

"NO." The four annoyed ninja exchanged glances.

"Huh. Well, even if we don't like eachother, at least we can agree on things."

"I am not so sure I wish to know what is going on, but please do it else where. We do not need any rude barbarians in the area."

Kakashi looked over at Ebisu then took one look at the ruffed up team infront of him and quickly left for home. Teacher and students shared a look.

"Kunai or shuriken, Brats?"

"Both."

CPOV

Sarutobi was trying his best to calm down the two angry mothers and one chunnin before him who were trying to find out what happened to their kids. Anko hadn't contacted him since she had been assigned the team and the rumor Asuma had shared with him was not helping.

Fortunately or maybe not so fortunately, the loud scream of a certain closet pervert distracted the group. Said pervert flew past the hokage window, his clothes nearly falling off his body. Soon after, a ticked off Anko ran by and following her were three tired and pissed off genin that looked as though a very large cat had dragged them in…which is what really happened.

The sudden appearance of the group threw off the hokage enough so that he could barely speak.

"Oh. There they are."

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Chapter 2 complete. 5 pages isn't bad, huh? Reviews are welcome.


	3. Welcome to Hell, uh, Home

Reason #35 why Mother Dearest is chronically uncoordinated. This chapter will be in honor of my mom who had to be taken to the hospital the other day. She was gardening in the backyard and she did not get her hand out of the way fast enough when she closed the sliding back door. This resulted in the first joint of her finger being suddenly amputated. Good news is, the doctors sewed it back on, bad news is I've now taken to calling her Franken Finger.

Before I forget: I do not own Naruto.

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Snake, Dog, Deer, Fox

Shikamaru sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that morning. His mother had decided to invite some of the other members of the Nara clan to breakfast including his five younger cousins, ages ten and under. Most of the injuries from Anko's genin test were healed up, but the memories were still very fresh. Man, because of that he'd be forcing himself to start memorizing poisonous animal names and descriptions.

"Neh, Itoko-kun,* there's a lady at the door for you," a young girl giggled. Shikamaru smacked his head on the table and groaned, causing his family to look at him oddly. He slowly stood up and attempted to go back to his room.

"Shikamaru, finish your breakfast, don't just leave!" Yoshino, Shikamaru's mother, scolded him. Before he could respond, he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder.

"Sorry, Mrs. Nara, but we really gotta go now, y'know?" Naruto chimed nervously from beside his teammate. Oh, yeah, Shikamaru did _not_ like where this was going.

"Sorry, Naruto, but I'm doing the dishes today so you leave ahead of me." The Nara family gaped at Shikamaru, AKA: The laziest Nara since Shikaku(Shikamaru's dad.)

"What? No way! You can't leave me and Kiba alone with that Lady! You're coming too. Right now. Move!"

"Maa. Then I'd have my mother yelling at me and—"

"Who cares?! Move, c'mon!"

"I said no, you troublesome blonde!"

"C'_moon_!"

The 20 or so currently invisible Nara clan members watched with eyebrows raised as the lazy heir to the clan clung to the side of a wall and argued with a ninja wearing bright orange who was trying to pull him out the house by his feet. Suddenly, the two stopped arguing in favor of dodging a flurry of well aimed kunai. At the end of the storm, Naruto was clinging to the ceiling fan and Shikamaru was flattened against a wall in a running motion. The younger 5 and 6 year olds who didn't know what was happening giggled and clapped at the entertainment

"Hey! What're you two brats wasting time for? We gotta go, now move it!" the gruff voice of their teacher shouted.

"I beg your pardon, Ms. Mitarashi! But why are you throwing kunai in my house?!" Yoshino exclaimed.

"Because these brats refuse to get to the places I tell them to on time. Now hurry up you two."

"And exactly where are you going?"

"None of your business, Lady."

Yoshino, being who she was, did not take the hint and continued to badger the jounin until the snake user started a shouting match with her. The other Nara (plural) decided to leave out the back door and nearby windows while the two unfortunate genin squeezed by the two women and out the front door. There they saw Kiba and Akamaru sitting on the steps.

"Do I even want to know what's going on?" the dog user asked. The other two shook their heads and sat beside their third teammate. Finally, Anko strolled out of the house, her overly cheerful smile on her face.

"Okie dokie, boys. Let's move out!"

Shikamaru glanced back at his house and shook his head. Maybe now his mother would stop yelling at him…

"Are we the~ere Ye~et?" Naruto whined as they walked through the thick forest.

"No, we are not 'the~ere ye~et' so stop asking already!"

"…"

Kiba, two paces behind, whispered something into Shikamaru's ear and took out a five dollar bill. Shikamaru shook his head and pulled out a ten. They shook hands and stared at the other two members of the team.

3 minutes and 42 seconds later…

"Are we there **yet**?"

"GAH! Dammit! Hey, Shikamaru, how in the world did you know the exact time?!"

"*sigh* It's too troublesome to explain. Just pay up."

"Grrr. Stupid, lazy, smart deer," Kiba grumbled as he fished out 10 bucks from his jacket.

"Hah? What're you brats arguing about back there?"

"Hey Ankooo. Are we there NOW?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME—oh. Actually we are there."

The three genin looked to where she was pointing. In the middle of a clearing was a large two story house with a japanese style sliding front door. The outside walls were made of some sort of metal, but the thick coats of paint could convince a passerby that it was old wood. The back yard was almost invisible, but there was definately a pond. The place didn't seem too strange except for one small detail.

"Ano. Anko? Why are there only like…two windows?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out. Besides, there's actually 6 windows or 7 if you count the glass door around back. Well, that's enough gawking time to move in!"

The team froze.

"I should've stayed asleep today."

"Say what now?"

"Bark?"

"What do you mean move in?"

"What're you complaining about? If you all live in the same house you can train more, duh. " Naruto quickly brightened at the thought of training while Shikamaru sighed and Kiba glared suspiciously at the house. Anko lead her team into the house and kicked off her shoes. Then, she stepped onto the wooden floors and sneaked (wd?) along the right wall of the hallway.

"Uh, Anko-sensei, what're you doing?" Kiba asked. The woman just smirked and waved them in.

Shikamaru didn't like the look she was giving them, so copied her movement and edged along the wall. The two loud mouths on the other hand decided to walk through normally…and were promptly hailed with kunai.

"What the hell?!" the two yelled once they had gotten away.

"Heehee. You should've followed Shikamaru's example Brats. He may be pretty lazy, but he's definitely not stupid, unlike you two."

The two stupid children glared at her then scanned the next room, the kitchen and dining area, before walking around to make sure there weren't any traps. It turned out to be clear, but the squeaking caused by the wooden floors was really starting to bug them.

"Satisfied?" The two jumped. Anko had walked up behind them without making a sound. The jounin giggled.

"Think of it as stealth training. When you can walk around normally without making the wood creak, you've completed the training." Shikamaru paled as it dawned on him why they would be living in this house.

"Anko-san. This entire house has traps and training exercises in it doesn't it?" Kiba and Naruto stared at him in shock.

"Once again, the Nara catches on! Looks like you'll be the team strategist from now on, Smarty pants. While we're on the subject, how about I give you kids a small tour?"

"As long as you go first, Lady." Anko smacked the orange clad ninja upside his head.

"Will you just call me by my proper title? Anko The Amazing Sex Goddess!"

"But it sounds wieeerd!"

"Agreed."

"Troublesome."

Anko pouted, but stopped her rant. She lead them to the bathroom across the hall making sure to push Naruto on the floor, activating the spring trap which threw the genin from the house. She explained that whenever you touch the floor of that bathroom it will fling you outside even if you were already on the toilet.

The house had, instead of stairs, a large door like opening between the first and second stories you had to jump through. Anko went through first jumping extremely high. This time the energized Kiba and Naruto landed properly while Shikamaru came up short, landing in the two foot area outside the "door" which broke away making him fall back to the first floor. He eventually made it upstairs so the tour continued.

Anko put one hand and one foot on each wall of the hallway like an X before moving to the second story bathroom. Once inside, she hopped onto the toilet, her students following suit by landing on the sink and tub.

"Now, Shikamaru, would you mind telling us why we aren't touching the floor?"

Shikamaru put his hands together in a soon-to-be familiar seal and began to explain. "Most likely, the hallway and bathroom floors are built to fall away. The hallway's trap would be directly over the kunai trap downstairs and the bathroom is directly above the downstairs bathroom so when you fell, you would activate that trap."

"How the heck did you know that?" Naruto asked squinting.

"Because he's smart. Moving on now, brats."

The group made an "L" towards the second hallway squeezing by the "stairway" to where the bed rooms were. The first door just around the corner lead to a large room with three beds; one longways by the back window and two vertical and across the room from eachother in the middle. There was a walk in closet to the right of the window and above the bed to the right and there was a medium sized dresser to the right of the door.

"Oh, come on! How old are we? Two? Why do we have to share a room?"

"Because I didn't have time to do any construction. Deal with it."

"I get the window bed!"

"Aaa I'll take the one next to the closet."

"Oh come on! Why do I have to be infront of the door?"

"The early bird gets to choose his bed, Dog breath!"

Anko rolled her eys and pushed Kiba out the door towards her room at the end of the hall causing him to fall through the 5 ft by 4 ft trap door.

"Nobody goes into my room, got it?" The remaining two genin nodded as the door clicked back in place.

CPOV

"Hey, Mom, Have you seen Kiba?" Hana asked as she walked into the dining room where the thirty or so membered clan ate dinner with their canine familiars.

"Oh, that Mitarashi had his team move into some sort of training house. He came to pick up his things a few hours ago. You should probably check in on them every once in a while, though." Tsume responded as she dug into her steak.

"*giggle* Wouldn't want a repeat of the Forest of Death, huh, Mom?"

"Hmph!"

CPOV

Naruto carefully tiptoed around the layers of trip wires on the bedroom floor. Stepping around the trap door by Anko's bedroom, he hopped down to the first floor and edged passed the hallway trap then sat at the kitchen table, the wooden floors quietly squeaking. Kiba tossed him the milk and cereal while Shikamaru passed the utensils, neither looking up from their spots near the book shelf in the right corner of the room. The team had been in the house for almost two weeks which they spent getting used to the traps and reading through random scrolls in the place.

Anko had refused to let them go on missions claiming that there was no way in hell she would be tortured by such evil things as d-ranks. None of them were sure as to why she referred to d-ranks as hell-sent and were starting to get annoyed. Shikamaru had read that in order to enter the chunnin exam you had to have at least one c-rank mission and you couldn't go on a c-rank unless you went on 8 d-rank missions, so you could see why the trio weren't happy with this arrangement.

The young jounin had brought the Nara and Inuzuka clan scrolls to the house in an attempt to quiet the group down, but it only worked for a moment before the brats realized something. Naruto didn't have any clan scrolls and was going to be left behind if they started training. Well, at least her kids had a good sense of teamwork, she had to give them that much.

"Ah-hah! That's where it was!"

The three genin looked up from their breakfast at Anko who had ripped off a part of the dividing wall between the front entrance and living room.

"Huh. I was wondering where you kept your victims," Kiba smirked.

"Can it, Pup. You said you would train in your clan jutsus when I found something for Naruto to train with right? Well, here you go!" Anko threw something at Naruto. Whatever it was, it was about 4 feet in length and wrapped in a dark blue cloth. The genin looked around at everyone before uncovering the object.

It was a katana. The sword's sheath was black with a red tint as if blood had melted into it. Its hilt was a dark gray that slowly turned into a deep red as it reached the guard. The blade itself was a dark metal that was specially made not to reflect light. A true assassin's kind of sword. Naruto stared at the weapon awestruck then looked at Anko.

"Are you really gonna give me this?!" Anko flopped onto a nearby chair and grinned.

"Of course. I may be sadistic, but I ain't a liar." Kiba looked over Naruto's shoulder at the sword before glancing at his teacher.

"Hey, Anko-sensei, where'd you get a sword like this? And why aren't you keeping it?"

"Eh? It's not like I know any kenjutsu, so it's no skin off my back. Besides, I got it as a gift so I can do whatever I want with it."

Shikamaru raised a brow. "I thought you said no one really liked you because of Orochimaru."

Anko frowned. When they had gone out to eat in the first week some of the other customers kept glaring at their table. Anko knew that not all of them were glaring at her but at Naruto, so she tried to cover for him. She told the team about her former sensei's betrayal and the experiments and how she had gotten involved. The snake user went as far as telling the kids about her memory loss. After that, the team decided to eat in from then on.

"Ah. An ANBU gave it to me. She said it was too long to carry with her, but didn't want it to become a collector's item. I tried, but turns out I suck at sword play."

"*bark bark arf*"

"Kiba, if your dog insulted me, I'm skinning it." The trio rolled their eyes, having gotten used to the crude behavior.

"Calm down, he's just asking a question, geez." Anko huffed.

"Well sorry I'm not a dog whisperer! What's the mutt want to know?"

"He asked how Naruto's gonna learn kenjutsu if you suck at it. A pretty good question for a _mutt_."

Anko threw down a few scrolls from the book shelf. They were kenjutsu instruction manuels that included sword practice and stances.

"Shikamaru, you have a good eye. Correct the kid on his stances when he's practicing."

For next week, Kiba and Shikamaru practiced their clan jutsu while Naruto started sword training. Surprising to everyone, it turned out that the blonde was actually a fast learner. Once he corrected a stance, he never made the same mistake.

The team eventually began group sparring where Kiba and Naruto would attack using taijutsu and weaponry while Anko and Shikamaru would defend with ninjutsu. After a few days, Shikamaru started to get annoyed with all the cuts caused by flying kunai hitting him while he was busy with another opponent and had begun to develop his Kage Mane. By the end of the week, he could use his shadow to redirect 6 kunai in midair towards his opponent. Kiba had started retraining his sense of smell and hearing to a higher level. He could almost hear dog whistles. Akamaru on the other hand…Anko started feeing him calcium and growth supplements.

Naruto wore his katana diagonally on his back and eventually decided to name it Oowarai (Burst of Laughter. I think.)When his team complained about the name, he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders saying it just fit.

After that, everyone just excepted that the boy wouldn't change the name. Unknown to the team for years to come, Naruto had actually given the sword its original name.

But that's another story.

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_Itoko-kun_ is used when referring to a male cousin  
If you want to translate things into japanese google "online english to japanese translator" and click the first site.

Special thanks to those who reviewed: OxygenDeprived, Nequam-Tenshi, NX-Loveless-XN, Nequam again, and the guy who didn't give him/herself a name. Ja!


	4. Insert Insane Laughter

I do NOT own Naruto.

Hi. School sucks and I know I'm late. I've had H1N1 a.k.a. "Swine Flu" for the past week and by reading this, you are also contracting it. No, WAIT! I'm kidding!!! Anyway, I have managed to finish my 4th chapter (obviously) in between the friggin' 20 assignments a day I have and since Ive been sick which caused me to miss school, I've also finished my fifth chapter, but my brain was weird so it might be a little wacky; I'm re-reading it now.

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Snake Dog Deer Fox

*****

Anko sat in a wooden chair with her forearms resting on her legs as she leaned forward. Shikamaru stood his ground across from his teacher, his point made. From their places on the floor, Kiba and Naruto watched the two. No one had spoken for 10 minutes and they were getting anxious with the wait. Anko finally leaned back.

"Experience, huh?"

"Yeah. We can train here and improve our techniques, but we need to have experience with other shinobi. That includes leaving the village and we can only do that on a c-rank mission or above. It's troublesome, but we have to start going on missions or we'll be left behind the other graduates. It's been two months since we became genin."

Anko rubbed her temples before glancing at Naruto and grinning. Well, if she had to go through hell to get these kids on her side at least she had a way to satisfy them afterwards.

"Alrighty then. Time for D-ranks, but you _will _go on at least 3 got it?" The genin nodded, still clueless about the horrors known as D-ranks. No problem, though; Anko would show them the worst of it.

CPOV

"Are the animals in the zoo, over?"

"Deer in the west zoo."

"Dog in the east zoo."

"Fox in the north zoo...Hey, Snake?"

"Yes, over?"

"STOP SAYING OVER!"

"Shut up, Fox! You'll scare away the target!"

"Aaa. You're not exactly quiet yourself, Dog."

A dark shadow darted past the Deer and into a clearing. The Fox and the Dog quickly snatched up the beast before it could escape into the forest again.

"OW!OW! Stop it!!"

"Hey runts, is it the right one?"

"Aaa. Yeah. Light brown fur and a pink bow on its head. Tora, the Fire Daimyo's wife's cat. sigh. Can we go now?"

"Hisss"

"GAH! I hate cats!"

"Bark."

As the large woman squeezed her cat near to death and paid the mission fee, Sarutobi watched the odd team glare at said cat, his eye brow raised. Hold the phone--since when did Shikamaru glare? The old Hokage was truly starting to question his choice of team set ups.

"Well, another mission successfully completed. I was wondering when you all would start taking missions. I have a few more here. Pulling weeds, walking dogs, cleaning--where are you going?" Anko turned back to the Hokage.

"My apologies, Hokage-sama, but I only required my kids to take 3 missions. They, like me, find them ridiculous so we'll be going now."

Sarutobi blinked at the polite but insulting speech. He was about to speak up again when Anko beat him to it.

"Don't worry about their experience as shinobi, I'll be sure to give it to them. Bye-bye now!"

Iruka stood confused in the doorway as the team walked out, Naruto waving happily as they went.

"I have no idea what that was, but somehow I don't like how she said she'd 'Provide experience' for them."

Sarutobi took a long drag on his pipe as he prayed to kami not to let her destroy the village. Unfortunately, Kami was busy training for the arrival of the saiyan in another universe and didn't hear him.

CPOV

Kakashi giggled pervertedly as he walked down the empty street reading his favorite book. When he rounded the corner, the cyclops shut his book and sighed. Before he could hide his autographed Icha Icha, he was forced to dodge a flurry of kunai. A tug on his book caused him to kick back at an orange clad genin. The jounin lazily turned to the blonde and his teammate.

"Yare yare. You kids don't give up easily do you? How long has it been?"

Suddenly, the jounin could no longer move. _Whoops. Kage mane, neh? _To the right of him stood Shikamaru wearing a lazy smirk. As Naruto and Kiba, the two muscles of team 13 stood up and strolled toward him, Shikamaru made the jounin drop his book.

"5 days non-stop. 126 failed attempts and..." Kiba picked up the orange porn and gave the thumbs up. "...1 success. We'll leave you alone now."

Kakashi sighed as the dog user pocketed his orange book. The former ANBU smirked behind his mask.

"So, how exactly did you manage to pull it off this time? You three failed pretty miserably all those other stealing attempts."

Kiba and Naruto had the decency to look sheepish. Shikamaru simply shrugged as he leaned against a fence.

"Well, uh, hey Shikamaru, should we tell him?" Naruto asked, putting his hands behind his head.

"Sure. Anko only gave us five missions to do anyway." Kakashi raised a brow at the genin...or at least that's what it looked like. He was wondering who was doing all of those odd things in the village. Someone had stolen Genma's senbon 7 days ago causing him to be put in the psych ward from the stress and a few days before that, someone had stolen all of the Aburame clan's sunglasses excluding Shino. Including him, that meant that Anko had given these kids two more "missions" to complete.

"So, you kids stole--"

"Shurenai Genma's senbon and the Aburame clan's sunglasses. Aaa. It was such a drag trying to distract the entire clan, though."

Kakashi sweatdropped. "So is that why it took so long? From what I heard they had been bothered for about a week before anything was actually stolen."

"Aaa. Like I said, Anko only gave us 5 missions so we wanted to make them count. The first few days were all out jutsu based attacks to find out how they would defend themselves. After that was stealth tactics, then Kiba and Naruto just listened to the plan I came up with."

"Eh? You mean you're the one who came up with the idea to smoke the Aburame clan house?"

"HAHAHA! Yeah, I couldn't beleive it either! It was so cool!"

"HEY, BRATS!" Anko shouted as she landed behind Kakashi. "Are you still dilly dallying around?"

"No, no, Anko-san, they stole my book from me. I was just asking them a few questions."

"Hmph. Congrats. Now onto the 4th mission and make it quick this time!"

The genin gave her a mock solute before running off. Kakashi paled.

"Hey wait a second! You still have my book!!"

CPOV

Sarutobi sighed again as he looked around the meeting room. The head Aburame clan members were wearing larger hoods, Genma was grumpily chewing gum, Kakashi was gripping his new Icha Icha for dear life, most of the male jounin had sweet smelling sticky hair, and Izumo and Kotetsu had "I'm with stupid" written on their foreheads with a sharpie. The cause of all this was standing in front of him either smiling or not caring how much trouble they were in. The hokage twitched.

"Team 13. Taught by Mitarashi Anko and consisted of Inuzuka Kiba, Uzumaki Naruto, and Nara Shikamaru. Anko, It has been said that you ordered your students to do 5 missions. They were the following: 1) steal Shurenai Genma's senbon 2) steal the Aburame clan's sunglasses 3) steal Hatake Kakashi's Icha Icha 4) replace popular jounin shampoo with honey and 5) write phrases on ten jounin or chunnin's faces. Do you deny this?"

"Nope!" Anko chirped. The hokage groaned at the woman's childish behavior.

"sigh. Because of this behavior you will be fined 85,000 yen and would you please just return everyone's things?"

Anko frowned. "And how exactly are we going to find that much money?"

The shinobi in the room slowly turned to her, their faces shadowed, and moaned.

"D~raaaaanks..."

"I think we should run now."

"No shit, Shodaime."

CPOV

Yamanaka Suri pulled off her towel as she dipped into the public hotspring. With her husband on a long term mission and her daughter on a genin team, she needed some time to relax. Most of the other 20 or so Kunoichi and civilians in the bathhouse were also taking a break from their lives. Ah, nothing could ruin her relaxation today.

"RATS!!"

Except that.

Immediately, all of the civilians scurried (hee) out of the bathhouse, with and without their towels, while the kunoichi pulled out their kunai from who knows where and begun chucking them at the swarm of rats with extreme precision. Just before one feisty devil could lay a paw on one of the younger women, one off duty ANBU eliminated it without hesitation just like any other mission.

The men walking by the hotspring were more than surprised when a flock of naked, towel wearing women flew from the building screaming and throwing kunai at a dwindling swarm of black rats. They could not enjoy the scene for long, though, because of their nose bleeds knocking them unconscious.

Meanwhile, on the rooftop of an apartment building two blocks away, Kiba, Naruto, and Shikamaru were holding in their laughter from the surprised shouts of men and women alike from their most recent "mission."

"Alright! Invade and infesting of the girl's bathhouse complete. Hey, Shikamaru, what's next?" Naruto asked, his foxy grin lighting up the rooftop. Kiba grabbed the "mission scroll" from the Nara and smirked.

"Payback."

CPOV

Ino, Chouji, and Hinata walked down the quiet road after their last mission of the day. Ino had a more serious air about her as she had finally given up dating Sasuke, complements of her team's reasoning. Chouji was now three sizes smaller with more muscles, though he still shoved his favorite (and weird) snacks down his throat. Hinata walked quietly next to Ino, keeping her head up instead of trained on the ground. Being around the confident blonde had made her stuttering almost disappear except when around strangers and Chouji's practice spars had boosted her confidence in her fighting ability.

"Geez. I hate D-ranks! When can we go on a real mission? Just leaving the village would be better than this!" Ino ranted. Chouji shrugged.

"Kurenai sensei just wants to make sure we're prepared, Ino. *munch* You never know what'll happen if the mission's information is wrong."

"I know, I know, but still! This is so boring!" Hinata giggled at her teammates' behavior. Chouji always seemed to be the voice of reason while Ino had become a watered down version of Naruto. The Hyuuga blushed. She hadn't seen the blonde enigma since graduation and was starting to miss seeing him. Ino had noticed her behavior about a month ago and started giving her tips on how to act around him to get the boy's attention. Even if Ino couldn't be with Sasuke, it didn't mean Hinata couln't be with her crush...even if he was pretty oblivious.

"If you want to go on a C-rank that bad, Ino, just ask Kurenai-sensei."

"AGH! I would but then I'd seem--"

"WHAT ON EARTH?!" The genin froze at the shout. They all recognised it as Hiashi, Hinata's father. Exchanging nervous glances, the trio sprinted towards the Hyuuga compound and were...slightly surprised.

"Hinata, why is your house pink?"

And indeed, the Hyuuga compound was painted entirely pink. Hot pink, actually, and it really wasn't all that bad, but that wasn't what kept Hinata frozen. Her father, leader of the Hyuuga clan and most short tempered person in konoha was dressed in a clown suit, red nose, rainbow afro, and all, and for some strange reason, didn't seem to mind. The Hyuuga head saw the trio not ten feet infront of him mouths open and staring at him for some reason, completely ignoring the clan house's new coat of paint.

He soon found out why.

"Hiashi-sama! What on earth happened? And--and why are you in a clown suit??" Hiashi's face went red. From anger or embarrasment of the 30 or so clan members around him, no one knew.

"Pfft." She couldn't help it. "Tee." His face! His eyes were so BIG! "Heehee." She didn't care how much trouble she'd be in, it was just too funny!

"HAHAHAHA!"

The entire Hyuuga clan (main and branch), Ino, and Chouji could only stare wide eyed at Hinata, shyest Hyuuga to ever be born, as she pointed and laughed at her father who, not 4 hours ago, had been the person she feared the most. No one, absolutely no one had ever seen the Hyuuga heir laugh so freely especially not in front of Hiashi. EVER. Everyone stood rooted to their spots as the girl laughed to her heart's content at her father who couldn't say a thing to his disappointment of a daughter because of his shock.

From his position in a nearby peach tree in the compound's yard, Naruto watched as the weird girl from his class laughed freely at _his_ work, at her own _father_ because of _his_ idea.

"Hey, Idiot, come on! You're gonna get us caught!" Kiba growled as loud as he dared. Naruto spared one last glance at Hinata before following his teammates over the fence, a smile on his face that wasn't there before.

CPOV

Anko couldn't breathe. Her throat was constricted and she clutched her stomach in pain. Her students simply stood in front of her, Naruto grinning wickedly with his eyes closed while Shikamaru and Kiba smirked down at her. The snake user was curled into a ball on the floor, her right fist balled and both of her eyes tightly shut. She tried to calm her heart rate, but it wasn't any use. She was gone.

"BWAHAHAHA! P-PINK! CLOOOWN!! AHAHAHAHA!!"

The mission she had given her students was to somehow humiliate the Hyuuga clan head Hiashi. Because of Naruto's previous pranks, the idea of _how_ was left to him. Once the genin told her exactly what they had done, she began to giggled evilly. She had been put in her current state curtousy of the multiple pictures of the red, clown-dressed clan head. After a good twenty minutes, the jounin managed to calm herself down enough to speak.

"Well, congrats--heehee--you have completed your seventh mission! Honestly though, I expected you to be a bit more quick about it. What took you so long?"

Kiba and Naruto glanced over to Shikamaru, their unofficial leader, and moved back a step. The Nara rolled his eyes.

"We figured we may as well add more training into your...missions. We started off with Kiba and Akamaru using their clan jutsu while Naruto used his Shadow Clones. After that, the two used shuriken and kunai to attack and get a feel for their abilities."

Anko frowned. "And where were you, Lazy bones?"

"sigh. I wa getting to that. i had been watching them, the two brutes here, and the targets' reactions."

Kiba stepped up and put an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders.

"Basically, he came up with a plan that we'd all go with. Hah. I hate to admit it but me and blondie aren't exactly geniuses y'know."

"Welp, it's a good thing you all get along, then." Anko briefly glanced at Naruto who was having a staring contest with Akamaru. Akamaru was winning. "Cause we'll be starting genjutsu today!"'

"Ugh."

The snake user glanced at Naruto and looked to other two students. Kiba scratched his neck.

"Well...Naruto is...how do I put this? You know that Naruto can use shadow clones, right?"

"Duh, it's in his file. Your point?"

Naruto groaned. "I suck at genjutsu!" Now Anko was really confused.

"Huh? You passed the academy didn't you?"

"Aaa...The only reason he passed was because he learned Shadow clone. He can't use regular clones or even escape an academy level genjutsu. He just...Ah. Sucks."

Smack. Anko slowly pulled her hand down her face and glared at her blonde student now using the bored Nara as a shield.

"You can use an A-rank jutsu easily when even some jounin have a hard time with it....but not an academy level?" Naruto nodded. "......Perfect."

Anko quickly bit her thumb, drawing blood, and went through a few hands signs before showing her students exactly why she was known as the snake mistress. Out of the smoke came a large black snake with a few emerald scales dotting its body which happened to be longer than two F of D tigers. The trio quickly backed up against the wall of the living room.

"Aa. Is this necessary?"

Anko stepped between the trio and giant anaconda, a small diamond headed snake with a pink bandana tied to its head curled up around her shoulders.

The big guy there is Conda-kun. He will be over seeing your stamina training; slow down when you're not supposed to and he'll eat you. Okie-doke?"

"...."

"Ah, Wait, wait, Crazy-sensei! Can't we wait just a moment?" Naruto asked nervously watching Conda-kun.

"OK! This is Hebi-hime and she's my favorite! Well, waddya know? It's been a moment! Sic 'em, Conda-kun!!"

"HIISSSSSSS"

"I hate snakes!!!"

"It sounds like a ticked off cat!"

"Ah, be quiet and run will you??"

"Arf! Arf!"

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Thank you for the reviews.

Nequam, I've noticed that when you compare the actual anime and manga with the Anko used in manga, Anko really doesn't use snakes unless it's an actual fight or something; I'm trying to be a little less stereotypical with my characters though I don't know if I'm doing a very good job so far...


	5. ANBU Evasion

It was about midday in Konohagakure (it rhymes!) and the peaceful village was bustling. Children were playing and practicing their kunai throws, business men were selling their merchandise, Shinobi were coming home from missions, the theme songs of Batman and Teen Titans were playing over loud speaker…Oh, no.

Naruto and Kiba high-fived as they flipped from roof to roof with Shikamaru shaking his head not far behind grinning nonetheless.

Genma spotted the trio as he stepped out of a weaponry store and cringed. The senbon chewing jounin turned to the younger shinobi behind him.

"Neh, who do you think they got today?"

"Mmm. Hard to tell."

"GET OVER HERE!!" The two jounin face planted.

Right on the genin's trail and pissed as hell were 6 Anbu: 2 women and 4 men. How could they tell? The women were dressed as Starfire and Raven while the men were dressed as Batman, Robin, Beastboy and Cyborg. How the kids managed to make the costumes look so realistic was beyond them. Oh, wait, make that 7: the penguin was catching up.

The grinning genin slipped into the market place and ducked in and out of the food stands with the ANBU Heroes following close behind. Kiba made a sharp left turn into another part of the market only to barely avoid colliding with Skeleton Jack….who almost caught him in the back(A/n: snort).

The three genin met up a.k.a. crashed through the same stand. Shikamaru sighed as they continued to run from the Anbu.

"Aa-aa. I know it's pretty ridiculous for a genin not to be able to get out of an academy-level genjutsu, but sneaking into Anbu HQ is just—"

"If you say the T-word, I'm tellin' on you, Shika!" Kiba smirked.

"YOU SHITS BETTER GET BACK HERE!!"

"Men, retreat!"

BONK!

"You're not in charge Naruto."

T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T

"Anko, what are you planning?" questioned a red haired jounin. Said snake mistress simply whistled and continued to pet her "hebi-hime" though the sly smile was easily seen. Anko was standing in the street surrounded by a group of chunnin and jounin. After the first few incidences with the Hyuuga and Aburame clans as well as Kakashi and Genma, everyone was on edge of what sort of "mission" Team 13 would be going on. Hebi-hime curled herself around Anko's neck as she stuffed her hands in her pockets and pouted.

"Ehh, I don't know why you all are so noisy. Go away."

Twitch. "You haven't pulled anything in ten days, Anko."

"That all? I got bored. What else can I say?"

The crowd deadpanned at the "I am completely (not) lying" look on the jounin's face. Izumo stopped twitching for a moment and looked up.

"Hey, Kotetsu? Do you hear…music?" The gathered shinobi paused and looked around for the source, missing the growing grin on Anko's face.

"Is that…Batman?"

As a merchant pushed his cart past the group, something plowed right through it, sending the boxes and their contents flying. From the debris came Naruto and Kiba grinning like mad until they realized they were headed toward a large group of jounin and couldn't stop. Just before colliding with the crowd, the two jerked away just barely avoiding them. Anko laughed and followed the two, noticing the incoming super heroes.

"You're getting good at shadow manipulation, Shika-chan!" Shikamaru jumped up to the rooftop where his team had decided to create a make-shift escape route. He raised a brow at his teacher.

"Ah. So I've been upgraded from Lazy-Bones, then, Anko?"

"Well, you can't be all that lazy if you're gettin' stronger now can you?"

"YOU FOUR!!"

Ten ANBU, seven jounin, eleven chunnin, and counting were behind the retreating squad as they ran along the rooftops of Konoha, villagers watching the spectacle with mild concern and amusement. Finally the red-haired jounin from before ran out of patience and began making the hand seals to create a flurry of shadow shuriken he planned to release in the upcoming clearing to avoid hitting pedestrians. The ANBU dressed as Robin palmed his face when he noticed Anko talking to her students through ninja sign…ANBU ninja sign.

"Ugh. Commander is not going to like this."

As the jounin finished his seals, Naruto turned and jumped in between his team and the incoming shuriken cloud. The blonde pulled a black scroll fro his pouch and unsealed his favorite present: Oowarai. Crossing his fore and middle fingers, Naruto summoned 20 clones who began deflecting the weaponry. His swordsmanship wasn't perfect, but it was good enough for a beginner to catch the assaulters by surprise.

Next up from the mob of ninja was a C-rank Doton: Earth Wall which blocked the team's forward exit route from the irritated leaf-nin behind them.

"You're up, Pup!" Kiba moved to the front, Akamaru leaping out of his jacket as he did so. The small dog barked twice, instantly changing into a feral-looking Kiba.

"Heh. All right, Akamaru! Inuzuka style: Fang Over Fang!"

The Gatsuuga right after graduation might not have left much of a dent in the Earth Wall, but after 3 months of being apart of Team 13, Kiba's Fang Over Fang quickly smashed through the technique.

Meanwhile in the jounin lounge a few blocks away, some shinobi were still oblivious to the struggle going on outside. Asuma lit another cigarette before turning back to the masked jounin beside him, a smirk fixed on his face.

"So, Kakashi, what was it like being outsmarted by a group of fresh genin?" The silver haired nin glared, unconsciously putting a hand over where his Icha Icha was stored.

"I told you not to mention that, Asuma-san."

"Well, sorry, but it is quite a feat to get a reaction out of you y'know. Especially when it's made by some kids." Suddenly, Kakashi's face lit up, his eye crinkling in a cheerful smile.

"Keep talking and I'll be having a chat with 'some kids' about your nicotine addiction, Asuma-san."

"...Did you lose your mind with that book?"

"PARDON THE INTRUSION NO JUTSU!!!"

The ten or so jounin relaxing in the lounge barely moved out the way when one of the walls imploded to reveal the team that had been the main conversation topic. The genin quickly darted around the room and left. Raidou, a man with burns across his face, growled.

"Goddammit, Anko!! What the hell are you doing?!!!"

The snake Mistress just grinned and leapt out the building after her students.

"Sorry Fellas!!"

T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.  
Yeah...as I said last chapter I was sick so...yeeeeaaaahhhh. Reviews are appreciated.


	6. You're Kidding

The soft echo of feet could be heard throughout the holding chambers in ANBU Headquarters as Sarutobi, Genma, and Aoba walked towards the most recently used cell. It was a large cell made to hold four people and only those four people.

Aoba groaned again as the three stepped into the second to last section before the dreaded cell 666.

"Hokage-sama, please! Can't we just send them on an outside mission? It doesn't have to be serious, just makes them go far away for at least a few days. They're driving everyone insane!"

Sarutobi knew this was coming. The team had only been together for three months and already most jounin and chunnin had at least one encounter with the squad. Everyone was questioning the hokage's sanity to make him even consider putting Anko, the sadist, and Naruto, the prankster, on the same team.

The three Shinobi finally stopped in front of cell 666, the personal holding area for Team 13, the ninja squad from hell.

"Heya, Ao-chan. Ain't'cha just thrilled to see me?" Anko asked sweetly from behind the metal bars of the cell. Sarutobi closed his eyes and slowly blew the smoke from his pipe.

"Team 13, you will be escorted by Genma and Aoba to the missions room immediately. Any disturbances before you arrive and you will be forced on 5 D-ranks everyday for a month, understood?" The team gave him a sarcastic salute.

The old kage sighed once more before shunshinning to the mission room and begin searching for a long term, far away mission.

T.T

Ibiki glided through the hallways of the interrogation chambers, two ANBU following close behind. He looked up from his papers as a strange conversation reached his ears.

"Hey, Genma, why are you always chewing on that senbon? Does it taste good?" a loud voice asked.

"It doesn't taste good! He's probably just bored," another voice said, a bark soon following.

"Aaa. Could you two stop talking? This place is echoing your voices," a third voice drawled.

Turning the corner, the head torture interrogation officer and his guards found the source of the argument. Team 13 was once again being released from their personal cell. The only blonde among the group grinned and waved at the specialist.

"Morning, Scarface!" Ibiki twitched.

"That's evening, Naruto. It's already half past two." The neko masked ANBU to Ibiki's right smirked under her mask. Naruto turned to the woman and snickered.

"Hi, Neko. How're Batman and Robin doing?" the genin asked innocently. The ANBU giggled.

"Fighting crime in the name of justice as usual," Neko replied, tilting her head upward for emphasis. Anko smirked at the display.

"Um, uh, sorry for in'erupting this conversation, but, uh, we gotta get these guys to the mission room, so, uh," Aoba stuttered eagerly.

Kiba tilted his head and squinted his eyes before leaning over to Naruto.

"Hey. Since when did Butters wear sunglasses?"

T.T

"Perfect," Sarutobi said looking down at the c-rank in his hands. It was easily handled, long, and a 2-day's run away.

"Hey, Old man!"

Naruto bounded into the mission room followed by Kiba with a growing Akamaru now laying on his shoulders, a yawning Shikamaru, and Anko who simply strolled in, her pet snake Hebi-hime wrapped around her shoulders. The chunnin (plural) in charge of missions ducked under their desks at team 13's arrival. Sarutobi gave the team a forced smile.

"Because of your recent…self assigned missions, the other jounin and chunnin have come to an agreement." Suddenly, Naruto threw himself at the hokage, sitting like a frog on the desk with his hands locked together.

"Please, please, please no D-ranks! Anything but that! Even getting tortured by Scarface! Okay, maybe not that, but anything else is fine!" The hokage sweatdropped.

"Actually, everyone seems to want a break from your exercises, so I will be sending you on a C-rank mission outside of the village. Now, you will leave in one hour and be gone for 2-3 weeks. The client you will be escorting will arrive momentarily."

THUMP.

Naruto had fallen onto the floor in a dead faint, Kiba's jaw had also hit the floor, Shikamaru twitched and Anko grinned cheekily. Shikamaru raised a brow at his teacher.

"So pulling all of those pranks wasn't just practice. You knew that this would happen didn't you?" The snake user looked in the opposite direction of her student and whistled.

"I'm not teeelliiing."

A hollow knocking at the door prevented Sarutobi from sighing again (he sighs too much.)

"Come in."

An old man with grey hair and a scruffy beard wandered into the room. He held a canteen of an unknown substance and his clothes were that of some sort of construction worker…who had been out of the job for a looong time. Naruto squinted at the man.

"Who's the old dude?" The "old dude" glared at the genin. Sarutobi interrupted the two before the man had a chance to argue.

"This is Tazuna. He is your client who you four will be escorting to wave country. Anko, this is your mission scroll. You leave in two hours." While the genin weren't exactly thrilled about guarding a drunk, Tazuna seemed to be even more distraught.

"Ah?? You mean these runts are who's going to protect me? The short kid's wearing orange, that one looks like he's gonna fall asleep any second, and the last kid's bringin' a puppy with him! And you're the sensei? Put on some clothes!"

"…What a drag."

As though the words were a signal, Tazuna was quickly pinned to the wall. He had a sharp pain in his left leg and foot and something sharp was pressed against his jugular. Shikamaru groaned at the disbelieving look on the Hokage's face. Anko stood in the middle of the room in her shuriken-throwing stance, which had caused Tazuna to be pinned like an X on the wall. Two Akamarus were biting the old man's lower calf and foot. Naruto smiled cheekily, holding Oowarai at the dumbstruck man's throat.

"Heehee. Y'know, it's very unsightly when you underestimate your opponents. And I dress like this because it's refreshing." Naruto and the two Akamarus made a face.

"We really don't need to hear that, Anko."

Sarutobi twitched.

"Enough! Get Tazuna down and start packing! You and your team are leaving immediately, Anko!"

30 minutes later found team 13 and Tazuna at Konoha's east gate. The self declared Super Bridge Builder had decided to stay as close to Shikamaru as possible since the boy had been the only one to not attack him. Naruto was hopping around excitedly having never left the village before while Kiba chatted with Akamaru. Anko clapped her hands and the group set off.

"Hey, Crazy-Sensei, have you been to Wave before?" Naruto asked. Tazuna nodded to himself, agreeing with the title.

"No, I've been to Mist, Waterfall, and Fog, but not Wave…and stop calling me that! I'm—"

"The Amazing Sex Goddess, we know." Tazuna sweat dropped. What on Earth did he get himself into?

Thank you for reading today's—Nah, I'm just f-in with you.

"GAAH! Man, couldn't you have been attacked at least once by something? I'd even take on an oddly aggressive old lady! This is so boring!"

"Aaa, Naruto, you're not supposed to hope our client gets attacked."

"Yeah, I know right. Grow up, shorty."

"You know you're not that much taller than the brat right?"

"That's only because you've had him chugging milk for the past three months, Anko! And it hasn't even done that much anyway!"

The rowboat steerer looked to Tazuna who quickly ran his thumb across his neck to prevent the man from saying anything. He may have been afraid of an enemy hearing the loud argument, but he was even more afraid of getting the group of crazies angry. The guards finally reached shore and began walking to Tazuna's home.

Naruto had had enough of the quiet and started darting from tree to tree, randomly throwing shuriken. He also starting humming something Tazuna could have sworn he had heard in a movie once. Kiba eventually got sucked in and started using the headsets to give out targets for Naruto to take out.

A bush rustled. Naruto immediately threw a kunai at it, the instincts from Anko's missions in Konoha finally showing their worth. The team noticed the change and put up their guard as the blonde searched the bush. When he stood up sweating and holding up a white rabbit, Kiba and Tazuna face vaulted.

"You chopped off the poor rabbit's arm!"

"Way to go, Blondie. Well, I guess it's good to know your aim's improved."

"Arf"

Shikamaru straightened and examined the rabbit for only a moment before glancing towards his teacher. Anko had noticed it as well. Snow rabbits were only white during winter…or in captivity.

"BRATS, DUCK!"

The genin instantly fell flat while Anko yanked Tazuna to the ground, all five barely avoiding the large blade whizzing through where their heads were just moments before. The sword lodged itself into a nearby tree, a man standing on top of it. He wore light gray overall-type pants and purple-blue camouflage guards on his arms and legs. His face was almost completely covered in bandages and a scratched mist headband rested lopsided on his head. The man chuckled darkly.

"Well, well. Looks like your shrimps can dodge, Snake Mistress. How long have you had them?" Anko smirked, pulling out her kunai.

"Now why would I tell you that, Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist?"

"How nice of you to have heard of me." Zabuza jumped down to the ground, jerking his sword out of the tree as he went. Anko shifted herself so that she was blocking the path to her students.

"I'm guessing you came here for the old man. You lowering your standards?"

"Now that isn't very nice. Who's to say I didn't come to kill off the infamous Snake Mistress?"

"Then you must have some terrible aim."

Kiba and Naruto stood on either side of Tazuna, watching the staring contest between their sensei and the rogue. Shikamaru was crouching behind Anko in case he needed to perform a possession, never taking his eyes off of Zabuza. The team and Tazuna nervously watched the stalemate as the killer intent rose to unbearable levels and a mist began spreading through the clearing. The first actual jounin battle the team had ever witnessed would be one they would not want to forget.

"snort"

…What?

"Pfft"

W-wait a second.

"Heehee"

Just one minute now!

"BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Oi, oi, what the fuck is going on??

The three genin and Tazuna stared dumbstruck as Anko and Zabuza laughed together. Not the "I am so going to kill you" laughter either. It was the "I just made a really funny joke" laughter you used around close friends. Unbeknownst to them, a boy (A/N: yes, BOY) hiding in a nearby tree was also having a hard time understanding the situation. Finally the two jounin decided to let the rest of the group in on the joke.

"Ahem. First off, Haku, you can come out. We're not fighting."

"Haku? You got yourself an apprentice, Zabu-chan?"

A masked shinobi stepped out of the forest beside Zabuza, maybe 2 or 3 years older than the konoha genin. He wore a dark blue and white shiori, a dark green turtle neck shirt, and a pair of large, black pants. He seemed to be just as if not more confused than the other four.

"Yup. And the same goes for you, but I'm truly amazed that you even got to jounin level with your obedience issues."

"And you would know, Za-bu-chan."

"…"

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Bad image! Bad image!"

"Ah, man, what a drag."

Tazuna coughed, gaining the attention of the two oblivious jounin. The bridge builder looked from one to the other, eyes squinted before he spoke. "So…My guard is friends with the guy who's trying to kill me?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Ain't that one hell of a ka-wink-y-dink? By the way, why are you trying to kill the old drunk?"

"NO, NO. Stop! What the hell is wrong with you guys? We were supposed to kill each other just what—two minutes ago??"

"Ah, relax, Pup. It's all smoothed over now."

Zabuza shrugged and turned to Tazuna. "Why don't we tell your guards why we're hunting you when we get to your place? I'm sure it'll be a more comfortable."

"…uh."

"Don't be like that! Zabu-chan may be a rogue, but he already told me he wouldn't attack you so no worries. He keeps his word."

"Well, isn't that comforting…"

"So, your name's Haku? I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konohagakure!"

"…Hello?"


	7. Ah, Screw It

The band of 4 teens and 2 jounin walked through the forest to look for a place to train. Since Zabuza and his apprentice had joined forces with the konoha Shinobi, the former mist nin had told them of the many nuke nin and deadbeats that were hired by Gato who was apparently a mob boss invading Wave. Because of this, Anko had decided her kids needed more training and had eventually convinced Zabuza to help.

"Waah, waah, my life sucks! I'm emo and slit my wrists! Waaah! What a little brat! He's not the only person in the world to have shit happen to him! GAH! I hate crybabies like that!"

"We heard you the first 20 times, Naruto," Kiba growled, annoyed. Tazuna's grandson Inari had come to dinner the other night complaining about how calm they were and how they would be killed. Most of the Shinobi had simply brushed off the child, but Naruto had yelled at the boy before storming out. No one had asked him about the little speech, but Haku had recognized the look in his eyes.

"Alright, shut up. We're starting your training now, Brats," Anko announced as the group reached a clearing. The snake user gave each genin a kunai before motioning for Zabuza to begin. The nuke-nin stepped in front of the trio and looked them over.

"Alright, more than anything I need to know what you three can do. I can't help you improve unless I have an idea of what you're lacking. The first way I'm gonna do this is by seeing how much and how well you can control your chakra. You three take those kunai and start climbing these trees." The genin stared at him and exchanged glances.

"Uh, yeah. Everyone can climb trees, y'know."

The bandages covering Zabuza's face curled up in what could only be a smirk and the man began to walk up a nearby tree. Looking down at the 3 genin with foots in their mouths, the man explained.

"You will be using your chakra to climb the trees, not your hands. First one up has the best control, last one up has the worst. Depending on the number of times you can walk up and down the tree, you will have a large or small chakra capacity. Now get to it."

As the genin walked up to their trees, Anko summoned her favorite pink and green colored snake Hebi-hime while Zabuza and Haku calmly observed the three greenhorns' progress.

Shikamaru managed to climb to the top after only 2 tries and began counting how many times he could walk the length of the tree. Kiba and Naruto didn't have nearly the amount of control as the Nara, but eventually after 27 attempts, Kiba had climbed up. By the end of the day, Zabuza determined that Shikamaru had the best chakra control, but the least amount of chakra. Kiba's control wasn't great since it took him over 10 times as long as Shikamaru, but he climbed the tree nearly 4 times more. Naruto on the other hand still hadn't made it more than halfway up the tree. Zabuza twitched again.

"Alright, we're done for today."

"What? But I'm not done!"

"That's because you have such sucky control, Naruto."

"*siiigh* Could you not start an argument now?"

"Hmph!" Haku gazed after the stubborn blonde as he sulked behind his teacher on their way back to Tazuna's home. The effeminate boy wondered if the whiskered boy's control was really that bad like everyone seemed to think. Maybe he simply had too much chakra. Haku briefly shook his head. No. No genin his age could have that much chakra…right?

T.T

The house was silent besides the light snoring of the occupants. A shadow slowly, quietly lifted itself from its bed and sneaked across the hall and out of the house, checking every now and then to make sure no one had followed.

Taking one last glance at the riverside home, the shadow leapt into the woods and would not be seen again till morning.

T.T

"He's a determined little runt, I'll give 'em that much."

"At least we know he will take training seriously, Zabuza-sama"

Zabuza and Haku had come out to the predetermined training area that morning only to find a shirtless Naruto passed out in the grass. When Haku realized that the younger boy suffered from chakra exhaustion, he threw out the idea of the boy having a large amount of chakra and carefully leaned him against a nearby tree. Shikamaru, Kiba, and a knowing Anko came to the area soon after. The snake user simply giggled at her student's behavior while her other two wards rolled their eyes.

"You hit it right on the nail, Zabu-chan. The kid is a very determined little runt."

"Hun? Who's a runt?"

"More specifically, the 'determined little runt' is you, Naruto," Kiba snickered. The dog user pulled off his coat so his friend could cover himself up. Shikamaru yawned.

"Aaa. Did you make it up the tree, Naruto?"

"You bet! Just watch," Naruto boasted and began walking up the tree. He strolled back down to the ground and grinned proudly.

"That's only 2, Kid."

"Huh?"

Zabuza rolled his eyes. "I know your chakra control sucks already since it took you a day and night to climb a tree, but I don't know how much chakra you have. Now get back on the tree and start counting. When you're finished come back to the lake; we'll be doing the next exercise there."

Kiba and Naruto tilted their heads at the suggestion while Shikamaru rubbed his neck. "We'll be learning to walk on water now?"

"Eh?"

Zabuza grumbled.

"I'll explain on the way. Kid, didn't I tell you start counting? Forget it. Come on, Haku."

"Actually, I'd like to stay here to collect a few healing herbs in case we need them, Zabuza-sama." Zabuza paused before nodding, leaving Naruto and his apprentice behind as he guided the rest to the lake by Tazuna's house. Haku glanced up at his blonde companion as he grumbled about mean senseis. The ice user smiled at the rude but endearing name the blonde had given his master. He just hoped Zabuza wouldn't mind the blonde calling him "G.I. Rogue."

T.T

Haku looked at the sky through the thin leaves of the forest. He had taken off his hunter mask and over coat and simply wore a dark green turtleneck and his black pants. The boy stood and began walking to the lake to check in on everyone.

CRACK. FWUMP.

"Itai-ta-ta-ta."

Haku stepped into the forest clearing and caught sight of Naruto sitting on the ground beside a large branch and rubbing his head.

"Naruto-san? Shouldn't you be with Zabuza-sama?" he asked, confused. It had been over 2 hours since the boy had started his tree walking exercise. Naruto stared at the girlish boy before scratching his head embarrassed. Until now, Haku had never taken off his mask and it was more than a bit surprising.

"Uh, yeah, I just finished…Are you sure that you're a boy?" Haku carefully nodded, now aware of his missing mask, and the two began walking to the lake together.

"If you don't mind me asking, how many times did you walk up the tree?"

"I don't mind. I got up let's see…217 times."

Haku froze mid step. He once again threw away his idea of the boy having a large chakra supply. The kid's chakra wasn't just large it was fucking huge! Even he could only manage 90 laps on the exercise. Naruto waved a hand in front of the older boy.

"Uh, hello? Earth to Haku? Can you read?"

Haku shook himself and gave the blonde a reassuring smile before continuing to the lake. Zabuza-sama would definitely be surprised by this.

T.T

"Alright. Took you runts long enough," Zabuza grunted. Shikamaru and Kiba stepped off the water in only their pants and soaking wet. Kiba shook himself again and put his shoes and black fishnet shirt back on; Naruto still had his jacket.

"Zabuza-san, are we done for today?" Shikamaru asked obviously tired. As he was going to nod, Anko growled.

"No. Naruto still hasn't even practiced water walking! What the hell is taking that brat so long?"

"What's taking who so long?"

Anko whipped around and glared at the newly arrived blonde.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Naruto had a brief vision of him and Sakura-chan yelling at the cyclopsed Hatake before waving it off and grinning at his sensei.

"Uh. Sorry? You didn't say there was a time limit, SG," Naruto said, slowly backing away from the woman. Anko paused.

"SG?"

"…Huh?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "No one knows what 'SG' means, Naruto." Said blonde mouthed an "Oh" and grinned.

"Well, Crazy Sensei—Insert Anko growling—has been calling herself a goddess—"

"Amazing Sex Goddess!!"

"Yeah, whatever. So I'm calling her SG for short."

Blink.

"Cool." The group fell down at Haku's sudden appearance. The ice user simply shrugged at the confused shinobi and walked up to his master. "Zabuza-sama, I believe the reason Naruto-san had such a hard time completing the chakra control exercise was due to his large chakra capacity."

Zabuza raised a non-existent brow at the statement along with the oblivious blonde himself. "My chakra capacity?"

"Haku, I trust your judgements, but Naruto, you're only what—12? It's not possible for someone his age to have that much chakra." Haku nodded his head as if expecting the response and turned to Naruto.

"Naruto-san, exactly how many times did you walk on the tree again?"

"Uh…217." Naruto began inching behind Haku when even the jounin had their jaws drop to the ground. "What? Did I do something bad?"

"Anko, does he have a bloodline or something?"

"Uh, no. Not that I know about."

Kiba walked up to Naruto and crossed his arms. "Are you lying?" Naruto tilted his head.

"Nooo." Kiba nodded and grinned once again before turning to Zabuza.

"So, Zabuza, how is this gonna effect Naruto's training?"

The missing nin twitched. Anko had given her calm obliviousness to her students in only three months. Quite a feat.

"Basically, he'll have to do a whole hell of a lot more chakra exercises than normal to have good enough control in order to use complex jutsu. Also…I don't know how it's possible, but he has about the same chakra capacity as an ANBU level shinobi."

Once again the trio of genin were silenced. Shikamaru turned to Naruto and smiled.

"Well, it looks like your chances of becoming Hokage just went up a few notches, eh, Naruto?" Naruto grinned.

"Aw, don't say that! His shouting'll turn me def, Shika," Kiba fake-whined.

"Not to burst your funny-bubbles, runts, but you did ask me to train you, so get quiet! Since Naruto obviously needs chakra control training we can hold off the water walking for the moment since he'll be doing more complex exercises later. Shikamaru's abilities are also fairly easy to see. You're not very physically strong either, but since you're a Nara, we should probably improve your stamina first. You'd be a pretty ridiculous ninja if you couldn't even last through a single battle because your chakra ran out. Hey, 'Kiba' right? What type of attacks do you use?"

"Physical. I'm an Inuzuka."

Zabuza grumbled. "Ugh, kids. Not all Inuzuka techniques involve strength, you nitwit. You also send chakra to your eyes, nose, and ears to improve your senses a lot easier than normal which ups your tracking abilities. Of course, since you only seem to be focusing on your strength, there must be some kind of stage training for you, so we'll just stick to strength and stamina training…for now."

Kiba blanched at the dark look on the nuke-nin's face. It was even creepier than Anko's. And that was saying something!

(timeskip, 3 days)song: "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers

It was midday and Anko and Zabuza had left with Tazuna to help build the bridge. There had only been one attack so far by a small band of thugs that were easily taken care of by the two jounin on guard duty at the time. Gato probably knew about Zabuza's double-crossing because of it. Haku was currently overlooking the three genin's training from his spot in a nearby tree. He had begun casually wearing a pink kimono and leaving his hair down making him really look like a girl. Kiba had to check for an adam's apple every time he saw the elder boy.

Shikamaru had been constantly walking on trees and water to increase his chakra supply and was now lying on his back gazing up at the clouds he could see through the trees. Kiba was beside him breathing heavily and wearing wrist and ankle weights as he had been for the past three days, trying to adjust to the extra weight. Naruto was sitting against the tree Haku had been observing their training from nearly asleep. Haku smiled.

"Why don't we take a lunch break?"

The three genin gladly nodded as the girly boy unsealed pack lunches from a scroll. The four teens ate their first few bites in silence, savoring the relaxing atmosphere. Kiba wiped a bit of rice from his cheek and looked at Haku.

"So, what's your story anyway? Last time I checked people don't normally willingly travel with wanted criminals." Haku put down his riceball.

"Why do you need to know?"

"Why? Well, you two are coming to Konoha once this is over with, right? We'll be putting in a good word for you, so we should know more about our new pack mates."

"…Pack?" Shikamaru gave Kiba a look.

"Like he said before, Kiba's from the Inuzuka clan. They work with dog familiars like Akamaru here so they tend to refer to things like a dog would. Their family and friends are considered to be apart of their pack."

"So…I'm apart of your pack now?"

"Yeah. I thought it sounded weird too at first," Naruto said happily sticking his tongue out at Kiba. "But it's true. If any one of us is in trouble, all of us do whatever we can to get them out of it! No matter what!"

Haku smiled again. These people would definitely become strong…and he would be there to see it.

"Alright, but since we're all apart of this…pack then all of us have to tell our stories." Kiba nodded and took another sip of his tea.

"Alright. I'll go first, then. I'm apart of a Konoha bloodline clan: the Inuzuka. We're born with larger canines than normal and have heightened senses we can use our chakra to make even more heightened though I'm not s'posed to learn it until I'm chunnin. I live with my Mother, the clan head, and older sister Hana, the next in line. My father was … chased off by Mom's…eccentric behavior. I have 4 grandmothers, 3 grandfathers, 14 uncles, 9 aunts, 3 cousins that are older than me, and 15 cousins who are younger than me. We all live in the same compound and own the village's veterinarian clinic. When I was in the ninja academy, I'd skip class and sleep through the lessons. I'm the only genin in my clan now so I've been trying to become stronger so I don't shame my clan's name."

"Geez! That many people are in your family?" Naruto asked, shocked.

"That's why it's called a clan. And technically since we're the only people who can use the Inuzuka clan techniques, that's really not a lot of people."

"*yawn* All of us are supposed to tell our stories not just one person y'know."

"…Says the guy who's about to fall asleep with food still in his mouth…"

"Whatever. I'm apart of Konoha's shadow-user Nara clan. We aren't technically a bloodline clan yet since we have to train to use our shadows, but we're close. Mm. I prefer to just relax and watch the clouds pass by, but since I'm a shinobi I want to do my best to protect my village and our troublesome pack of misfits, you and Zabuza included. My family…my mother is very loud and troublesome to reason with and my Dad is a lazy drunkard shinobi. I have some ten or so aunts and uncles, five grandparents and eight cousins, all of who are younger than me. I have a friend named Chouji from the Akimichi clan who used to be bullied because his clan needed a large build for their techniques to work. Me, Chouji, Kiba, and Naruto all used to skip class together and get into trouble because of it. I was actually amazed that I passed the genin exam at all."

"Konoha has many bloodline and specialty clans does it not?" Haku asked.

"You bet! Konoha has the most bloodline clans within its walls than any other village in the elemental nations from what I know. Why?"

Haku hesitated a moment before looking into the genin's eyes. He lifted his hand into a seal and slowly a large block of pure ice formed from nothing. Shikamaru sat up.

"Hyoton? You survived the bloodline plague?" Haku nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on his hands.

"Yes… My mother hid her abilities and married a farmer without the bloodline and had me. When I was 7, I activated my ability and began playing with water using my abilities. I showed my mother…she hit me and told me to never use my powers in front of anyone, but my father had seen us. He…he told the other village men and they came and killed my mother…I…My ice abilities activated then and killed the villagers and my father. I was the only one left. I stayed on the streets after that, barely living. That was how I met Zabuza. He was still a loyal shinobi of Mist at the time and he had only just begun to doubt the kage's will. He took me in and gave me a reason to live. I learned everything he was willing to teach me. He was my precious person who gave me strength and who I would do anything for. My 'packmate' as you call it."

The genin sat silently after Haku's story, not wanting to disrespect the boy's bravery of telling them such a secret. Naruto bit his lip and took in a deep breath. Haku had told them a secret that if anyone in Mist had known, he would have been executed…he would do the same and trust them. Balling his fists tight, Naruto barely kept himself from curling into himself.

"Haku…" The ice user lifted his eyes to the blonde, confused. "You're not…the only one here with a secret. Uh. Okay…You all know about the Kyuubi attack on Konoha 12 years ago, right? The…the story we were told that the fourth Hokage killed it wasn't completely true. You can't kill a demon as strong as the Kyuubi…only seal it away. Kyuubi is the strongest of all the demons so the only way to seal him would be to have an extremely powerful seal master, the Yondaime, and a living being without formed chakra coils…an infant…"

Haku watched as Naruto bit his lip and gripped his pants so hard that his hands bled. He slowly breathed out. "You?" Naruto nodded and leaned back against the tree, unwilling to look at them.

"I…I'm only allowed into the ramen shop and the Akimichi restaurant in the village. Anko isn't really welcomed either so she covered me that time we tried to go out to eat. She's one of the few people like Iruka-sensei who don't think I'm the demon. I was kicked out of the orphanage when I was 5…no one ever adopted me. It wasn't until I turned genin that I found out why everyone seemed to hate me…Mizuki, our sensei, was a traitor to the village who tricked me into stealing the forbidden scroll of sealing and tried to kill me. If Iruka hadn't found me…I would have died. I managed to beat Mizuki with a technique I had learned from the scroll, the shadow clone….If you don't want to say anything you don't have to, but…if you need to think about it, I'll just wait at the house."

Kiba looked at Naruto. First at his bowed head, then to his bloody hands. The Inuzuka closed his eyes and moved over to the blonde.

BONK.

Naruto gripped his head where Kiba had hit him and stared wide-eyed at him.

"Idiot…Demons don't help people! They don't feel sympathy for anyone! They don't have dreams!...Geez, I know we've only really known eachother for a few months, but didn't you at least figure out that we're not stupid, you dork?"

"Yeah, no sweat. If anything we should be thanking you for keeping the demon at bay," Shikamaru said, messing up the blonde's spikey hair. Haku smiled at them. These children were definitely going to be strong.

"Hey, kiddies, time to head in for the night!" Anko called from down the pathway. Zabuza and Tazuna stood nearby waiting for them. Naruto stood and grinned at them.

"Alright, we're coming, SG!"

As the group walked home, Zabuza pulled Haku to the back, noticing the oddly peaceful smile on his face.

"You spacing out a bit, Haku?" The ice user shook his head.

"No, it's just…Zabuza-sama?"

"…Yeah?"

"Everyone, no matter who they are, has their own demons they have to deal with…I think the reason we don't know this is because sometimes the demons each person has aren't always as obvious as others…or quite as literal."

Zabuza watched the effeminant boy step up his pace to walk with the rest of the group. He looked up at the sky, the image of a young woman with blonde hair with a strange green chakra surrounding her passing through his mind.

_Literal, huh....Yagura?_


End file.
